I hate my husband of 10 years

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I hate my husband of 10 years]

Hopefully this event under study make us thankful for what we have: I hate it, that's what always whisper in my heart for most of our time together. Though married, I never really surrender my heart to him. Married since coercion of parents, my husband made me hate myself.


 Although forced to get married, I never show my hatred attitude. Despite the hate, every day I serve him as his wife the task. I had to do it all because I had no other handle. Several times the willingness leaving but I do not have the financial capability and support for anyone. My parents were very fond of my husband because according to them, my husband is a husband figure perfect for their only daughter.

when married, I became very spoiled wife. I did everything as I choose. My husband also spoiled in such a way. I never really live my duty as a wife. I always rely on it because I think it was already supposed to be after what he did to me. I have given my life to him so that makes me happy with his duty to obey all my wishes

In our house, I'm the queen. No one dared to resist. If there is the slightest problem, I always blame my husband. I do not like a wet towel placed on the bed, I hated to see him put the spoon stirring the rest of the milk on the table and it left a sticky, I hate it when she wears my computer though just to finish the job. I am angry that he hung her clothes in kapstock my shirt, I was also angry that she wears without squeezing toothpaste neatly, I was angry when he contacted me to many times when I'm having fun with my friends.

At first I chose not to have children. While not working, but I do not want to take care of the child. Initially he and I will support family planning pills. But apparently he hid his desire so deeply that one day I forgot to take birth control pills, and even though he knows he let it. I also pregnant and only realized after more than four months, dokterpun refused to abort.

That is her greatest anger. Anger grew when I contains a pair of twins and had to undergo a difficult birth. I forced her to perform vasectomies so I'm not pregnant anymore. Obediently, she did all my wishes because I threatened to leave him with the two children we have.

Time passed until the children do not feel repetitive to-eight years. Like the previous morning, I woke up at the end. Her husband and children were waiting for me at the dinner table. As usual, he was the one who provides breakfast and get the kids off to school. That day, he was reminded that today was the anniversary of my mother's there. I just replied with a nod regardless of the words that remind the events the previous year, then I choose to go to the mall and the mother was not present at the event. Well, because they feel trapped by marriage, I also hate my parents.

Prior to the office, usually my husband just kissed me on the cheek and followed children. But that day, he also gave me a hug so that the kids tease her father noisily. I tried to dodge and off her arms. Though finally smiling with the kids. He kissed back up a few times in front of the door, as if the weight to go.

When they go, I will decide to go to a salon. Spending time to the salon is my hobby. I arrived at the salon langgananku a few hours later. At the salon I met one of my friends who are not as well liked. We chatted with each other to show off fun including our activities. It was time I had to pay the bills the salon, but how shocked I was when I realized that my wallet left behind at home. Despite reaching into my bag to the deepest part of me could not find it in the bag.

While trying to remember what happened to my wallet I found I could not call my husband and ask.

"Sorry dear, Farhan yesterday asking pocket money and I had a little money so I took from your wallet. I forgot to put it back into the bag, I think I put it on top of my desk. "Said explained gently.

Angrily, I scolded him harshly. I hung up without waiting for finish. Shortly thereafter, my cell phone rang again, and although still upset, I will lift it with half snaps. "Moreover ??"

"Honey, I'm home now, I'll take your wallet and take him with you. Unfortunately now there is where? "My husband asked quickly, worried I hung back. I call my salon name and without waiting for the answer, I hung back.

I talked to the cashier and said that my husband would come to pay my bill. The owner of the salon that my friend actually let me go and said I could pay for it later when I'm back again.

But shame because the "enemy" I also hear behind me proud to owe wallet first.

It was raining when I looked out the car my husband and hope to soon. Minutes passed into hours, I was getting impatient to start the phone call my husband. There was no answer despite many times I called. Though usually only twice already lifted the phone rang. I started to feel bad and angry.
My phone picked up after several attempts. When sound bentakanku out yet again, a strange voice answered the phone my husband. I was silent for a few moments before the sound of the stranger introduced himself, "Good day, mother. Is the wife of the father Armandi mother? "I answer that question soon.

Foreign man proved to be a police officer, he told me that my husband had an accident and now he is being taken to the police hospital. At that time I was silent and only answered thank you. When the phone is closed, I crouched down in confusion. My hands clutched the phone in my hands and some salon employee approached me with alacrity asked what was wrong until my face turned pale white as paper.

Somehow I ended up in the hospital. Somehow also knew the whole family was there to catch up. I'm just waiting for my husband's silence in front of the emergency room. I do not know what to do as long as it was he who did everything for me. When finally after waiting a few hours, just as the Maghrib call to prayer sounded a doctor came out and delivered the news. My husband was gone. He went not because of the accident itself, stroke was the one that led to his death.
Done hear that fact, I even busy parents and parents reinforce the shock. There was absolutely no drop of tears out of my eyes. I was busy calming the mother and father-in-law. Children who hit hugged me tightly but their grief completely unable to make me cry.
When the body was taken to the house and I sat in front of him, I stared at that face. I realized this was the first time I really looked at her face which seemed fast asleep. I approached her and looked at it carefully.

That's when my chest becomes congested remembered what he had given me over the past ten years of our togetherness. I touched his face gently that has a cold and I realize this is the first time I touched her face, which had always decorated with a warm smile.

Tears broke my eyes, blurring my vision. I gasped tried wiping the tears that did not prevent her last glance, I want to remember all the parts of his face so that the sweet memories of my husband does not end just like that. But instead of stopping, the heavy tears flooded my cheeks. Warning of imam mosque governing the funeral procession made me not able to stop crying. I tried to hold her, but my chest remember what I did to him the last time we spoke.

I remembered how I had never noticed his health. I almost never set meals. Though he always set what I eat. He noted vitamins and medicines that should kukonsumsi especially when pregnant and after giving birth. He never missed a meal reminded regularly, sometimes even fed me when I'm lazy to eat. I never knew what he was eating because I never asked. Even I do not know what he likes and dislikes.

Almost the entire family to know that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I hardly ever cook for him. I only cook for the kids and myself. I do not care she had eaten or not when I go home. He can eat my cooking only when trace. He came home late every day because of the office is quite far away from home. I never want to respond to his request to move closer to his office for not far from where my friends live.

At the funeral, I could not hold back anymore. I fainted when I saw his body at the same missing hoarding a pile of soil. I do not know anything until waking up in my big bed. I woke up with a sense of regret fulfill my chest cavity. Extended family persuaded me in vain because they never know why I was so hurt to lose him.

The days that I lead after his departure is not freedom as long as it wanted but instead I was stuck in a desire to be with him. In the early days of his departure, I sat stunned staring at an empty plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating. But remember was when my husband persuaded me to eat when I'm mengambek first.

When I forget to bring a towel in the bath, I shouted to call as usual and when even my mother who came, I crouched down crying in the bathroom hoping he comes. Habit that call every time I can not do anything at home, making his friend answered the phone confusion. Every evening I waited in the bedroom and hope tomorrow morning I woke up with a figure beside.
I used to get so annoyed when sleep hearing the sound of his snoring, but now I often woke up because the longing to hear back. First I was annoyed because he had a mess in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom feels empty and hollow. I used to get so annoyed if it does the job and left it on my laptop without logs out, now I'm staring at the computer, wiping the keys hoping his fingerprints are still left there.

In the past I do not like it make coffee without placemats on the table, now the scar left in the breakfast terakhirnyapun not want to erase. Typical television remote hidden, now with easy I found, though I hope to replace his loss to lose the remote. All the stupidity that I did because I realized that he loves me and I've been hit by the arrows of his love.

I'm also mad at myself, I'm mad because everything looks normal even though he was not there. I'm angry because the clothes are still there to leave the smell that makes me homesick. I am angry because he can not stop all my sorrow. I am angry because there was nothing else to persuade me to calm down, no more prayers that remind me though now I do it with sincerity.

I pray because I want to apologize, apologize to God for a husband who wasted awarded to me, asking for forgiveness for being such a good wife to her husband is not so perfect. Sholatlah were able to remove my grief piecemeal. Love God showed me so much attention from the family for me and the kids. My friends who had been defending Stand up, almost never show their noses after the departure of my husband.

Forty days after his death, the family reminds me to rise from adversity. There are two children who are waiting for me and should kuhidupi. Back confusion came over me. So far I know wrong and never worked. All done my husband. How much revenue so far I never cared, I cared about only the amount of dollars that he transfers into my account for me to wear for personal use and every month the money was almost never left. From the office where he works, I make a final salary along with bonus compensation.
When I paused not expect to see it, it turns the entire salary is transferred into my account over the years. Though I was never the slightest use for domestic purposes. I do not know where he obtained the money of others to meet the needs of household because I never asked though about itu.Yang I know now I have to work or my children would not be able to live because of the amount of final salary and bonus compensation would not be enough to feed the three of us. But work where? I almost never have any experience at all. Everything is always governed by him.

Confusion missed some time later. My father came with a notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then the notary gave a letter. Husband's affidavit that he bequeathed his entire estate to me and the children, she accompanied her mother in the letter but that makes me not able to say anything is what she wrote to me.

Beloved wife Liliana,
Sorry to have to leave first, dear. sorry to make you responsible for taking care of everything yourself. Sorry that I can not give you love and affection again. God gave me the time is too short for love and children is the best thing I ever did for you.

If I could, I would like to accompany dear forever. But I do not want you to lose my love for granted. So far, I had saved little by little to your life later. I do not want pity hard after I left. There's not much I can give but I hope dear can use it to raise and educate children. Do your best to them, yes dear.

Do not cry, my love is spoiled. Do a lot of things to make your life wasted over the years. I give you the freedom to realize the dreams that you do not have time for this. I'm sorry if I trouble you, and may God give me a better mate.

Teruntuk Farah, my beloved daughter. Forgive as the father could not be there with. Be a good wife as mother and Farhan, knight protector. Keep mother and Farah. Do not be a naughty boy again and always remember where you were, the father will be there to see it. Okay, Buddy!

I sobbed reading the letter, there was a cartoon with glasses are given distinctive tongue stuck my husband if he sent the note. Notary informed that during this time my husband had some insurance and savings deposits from the legacy of his biological father. My husband made some effort from the results of these savings and business deposits was quite successful despite dimanajerin by those beliefs. I can only cried knowing how great his love for us, so that when death came to him he still overwhelm us with love.
I never thought of getting married again. The number of men in attendance was able to remove the figure is still so alive in my heart. Day after day just kuabdikan for my children. When my parents and my in-laws go one by one leaving selaman ever, none left a deep sadness grief when my husband left.

Now both men twenty-three-year-old daughter. In two days my daughter married a young man from across the land. Our daughter asked, "Mom, what should I do next after being a wife, Farah because the can not cook, can not nyuci, how ya ma'am?" I embrace it, saying "dear Love, love your husband, love your choice of heart, love what he has and you will get everything. Because of love, you will learn to please her, will learn to accept his shortcomings, will learn that for any issue, you'll get it done in the name of love. "
My daughter looked at me, "like a mother's love for a father? Love is that what made you stay true to the father until now? "

I shook my head, "no, my dear. Love your husband as a father loves my mother used, such as a father loves you both. Mother loyal to the father because the father's love is so great in the mother and the two of you. "

I may not be lucky to not have time to show my love to my husband. I spent ten years to hate, but spent most of the rest of my life to love. I was free of him because of death, but I could never be free of her love is so sincere.